So I have to say that I don't really hate doctors, well not all of them anyway. There have been a few (at least two or three) over the years that I have really liked, BUT . . . most of the time when leaving an office visit I feel something like "That was a big fat waste of time", "What an idiot honestly why are doctors so stupid!", or my all time favorite, "Why do they spend more time convincing those people they are Gods than they do teaching medicine!"
Now to those of you who haven't run into the same specimens I have let me explain. I'll start with a list of my favorite 'blanket statements' which Doctors will tell you, but are not true, in fact I or someone I know intimately has disproved every single one of them. So here is my list to date.
1. Children won't starve themselves, they will eat when they are hungry. (Thanks to Taz and two years of eating struggles for this contradiction. We continue to struggle but at least he isn't starving anymore.)
2. There are no medically necessary reasons to circumcise a baby. (Once again thank you Taz. FYI the Pediatric Urology board was fighting the National Pediatric board to convince them to retract that statement at the time Taz disproved it. The stats are actually 30% chance of infection, not the 2% chance they tell you when pressed. I'm not saying I'd run right out and do it for no other reason but the truth would be appreciated.)
3. Adults don't get ear infections. (One of my all time favorites! And as if the few I've had as an adult weren't enough to prove it my sister had to take this one step farther and let her ear drum rupture a couple months back just to make her point. Really I think she could have found a better way, they're just not worth the pain.)
4. Water consumption has no effect on fluid levels of pregnant women. (Come again?!? You aren't serious! So the fact that you are supposed to replace your fluids every five or so hours and you are supposed to pee all that old fluid out would mean the new fluid comes from where again? Right, all the water absorbs through osmosis. Don't drink, just think! So when my fluid levels where low one day and I knew I was dehydrated and then I drank tons and the next day all was back up to where it should be and I hadn't been leaking any fluid in the first place, this was all just a big coincidence? Right!)
5. And for the latest eye opener which inspired this post, . . . drum roll please . . . Hem, Hem, People under the age of three do not get strep throat! ( Are ya sure? could we bet on that? Please? I would personally like to thank my best friends son, probably myself but I'm not sure, and last but not least poor little Princess for disproving this fallacy.)
I'm sure that there are more out there but I've either forgotten them temporarily, or I have not had the pleasure of being insulted by them yet. Feel free to add any I may have neglected.
So would you like the details of this latest enlightening experience? Here goes . . .I Mentioned the WG had strep the first couple days of our trip to Hawaii. At the time I was concerned because he and Princess had shared a few drinks on the plane. Too late now. Anyone who has experience with strep should know there is a 12 to 14 day gestation. This Friday (day 13 I believe) Princess was sounding a little 'garbled' (like she was talking around marbles). She acted fine the rest of the day but I was on the alert, great, here we go again! Saturday she seemed cranky so I put her down for an early nap. When she got up it was all over. I knew it, even before I saw her red and spotted tonsils. She had a fever a cough and cried that it hurt. Luckily (ha, ha) our doctor is open on Saturday so I called and made an appointment. Meanwhile I fed her ibuprofen and ice cream cause I know how bad this can hurt.
So we arrive at the doctor for what I'm considering to be more of a red tape visit for the meds when the doc walks in and asks whats up. I give every last detail right down to the brother having strep now 14 days ago.
And he starts with (of course you've guessed it), "Well children under three don't get strep." Honestly if they would just say it's uncommon and test anyway I wouldn't think they were such idiots! He continues with, "I'm sure it's just a coincidence her brother had strep and it's probably a virus. Treat the symptoms and if her fever isn't gone in five days we'll look into it." He proceeds to check her over for ear infections and other such things, you know the usual. When he looks at her throat he says, "Well her tonsils are a little red but they don't get me excited (What does? A whack to the head! I looked and they got me excited but then again I'm just a layman, what do I know!)." At this point he had to know by the look on my face that I was in utter disbelief, but he is the doctor I must be the dumb one. Presumably to lift my understanding he says, "her tonsils are a little protuberant but I would expect that from her age." (Yep, just keep forcing. If the square peg won't fit in the round whole just hit it harder, it'll fit! If it doesn't break first.)
Sensing his lack of faith in me I plow on with "Well I'd like to run the strep culture."
He says, "that really isn't necessary. At this point it is a waste of time and money, two year olds just don't get strep.""That's ok, I'd like to run the test please." Time and money dude? Already wasted a fat load of that coming down here to talk to you with my $40 co-pay, plus they don't charge me more for the test, I already payed my 40 bucks.
After a few more dissuading arguments on his part and quite a bit more insistence on my part the test is run. Now for the big blow. The ten minute test comes back negative and I'm sent home steaming! I hate taking my kids to the doctor when nothing can be done for them. I only take them in when I'm sure something can and should be done or I feel there is something serious going on I just can't handle. My kids haven't been to anything but well childs (and WG's strep) since Taz stopped living in the Ped's office at 2 years old (but that was way justified, those were doctor insistent appointments not just me hauling him in).
So the rest of Saturday Billy and I tussle with the fever. Sunday Billy has to teach Primary and I have to teach YW so we swap back and forth for church slots. Sunday night her fever breaks but the cough and throat are getting worse. Then this morning the nurse calls.
"I just wanted to let you know that the strep culture came back positive so we need to call in a prescription for your daughter."
In my most innocent voice, "Oh, but I thought 2 year olds don't get strep?"
As if comforting a distraught mother, "well these things do happen SOMETIMES."Yeah whatever minion of the quack!
On a side note the first time I took the kids to this guy was for well childs and I took the opportunity to express my concern over some of Thane's emotional behavior. He just says "Well hes probably just acting out. I'm sure it will go away if you just ignore it like any child behavior you want to stop.
Honestly!?! Seriously!?! You've got to be kidding me! Have you ever seen that work? Let's think . . .
My child won't do what I say. If I just ignore it he'll start listening.
My child rolls their eyes at me. If I just ignore it he'll stop.
My child tells me NO repeatedly. If I just ignore it she'll stop.
My children fight over toys. If I just ignore them they'll stop. Right? No, DUDE, NOOOOOO!
So if my two year old has strep I just ignore it and she'll stop? No? Just checking.
So to sum it all up. Sometimes you have to know what you want and insist your doctor at least checks it out.
Princess sleeping off the pain!
Do not take my picture while I'm sick!
Medicine makes everything better.
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6 comments:
This was so stinking hilarious!!! And so dang true! Seriously.
I think I'm with ya on disproving everything on the doctor's list too. Sometimes, I really think that doctors are idiots. And I really love your use of the word "dude" in your frustration. You are too funny!
Cute pictures. So the doctor told you it was negative and the nurse called later to tell you it was positive...did I get the story right? Is that doctor insane?!? I think you would really like some Brian Regan clips about doctors...he is a comedian and his stuff if on youtube.
Man you had me rolling with laughter... I know the feeling..I live in a small town and we have a local Clinic...And to tell you I am smarter then most of the people who work there. On male Doc. who use to.. I repeat Use to work here would always suggest Allergies as his first Diagnosis when ever I brought my kids in. I only took them in when they were really sick. So If you are telling me Allergies has 103 fever with green snot everywhere and a horrible cough that sounds like they are dying then man I am glad I don't have them!!! Just recently I had a nurse who had no idea how to fill out charts and weigh, measure and take temp of baby. I had do it myself pretty much. For two kids that should have taken maybe half an hour took 2 hrs. I hear ya sista!
Kelly you had the story right. Thing with the strep culture is that they take a cotton swab to the infected tonsils and then grow the bacteria in a petri dish or something. There is a ten minute test and a 2 day test. They often scrape more than just the tonsils when running this test, especially on little kids and this causes the ten minute test to show up negative but then in two days they get a posative. Fun times :).
Candice, I'm sorry you have such a rediculous clinic to work with, that would be beyond frustrating.
This rant is why I love you to the core!!!!
My doctor rocks the house, but I'd drive to Idaho to find a good dr. if I had to. I can't trust idiots to deal with premenopausal outburst!!! (which I always seem to have at the drs' office.)
Lots of love.
I love this. You are funny. And I totally read this hearing the way you talk and I am giggling.. maybe because I have heard it from you too. I hope you are all well. We are getting there.
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